Drive Me Crazy
by Jules.btvsfan
Summary: Based on the movie. Buffy's been dumped by Riley, while Spike's been dumped by Dru. She pretends to be with Spike, trying to get Riley back. But she's falling in love with the wrong one. Spuffy!
1. Dumped

**Chapter One   
Dumped**  
  
"What?" Buffy shouted.  
  
Riley winced. "I'm sorry. I just don't think things are working out for us. You seem really distant. Every time I talk to you, you're just not there."  
  
Buffy sighed. "It's just... slaying gets in the way a lot. I'm sorry. Sometimes it really sucks, but I have to do it," she said. "The Slayer is a part of who I am. It's my calling, my destiny. I can't ever throw that away."  
  
"I'm not asking you to." Riley took in a deep breath and then exhaled heavily. "This is why I think we should break up. At least for a little while."  
  
Buffy stared up at him with tears in her green eyes. "Fine," she said in a choked voice.  
  
"I'll see you around?"  
  
With that, he left her standing alone in the dark cemetery. She sat on a gravestone and started crying.  
  
"You okay, love?" she heard an English voice say, one she really didn't want to hear right now. She looked up and saw the familiar bleached headed vamp staring down at her, looking concerned. He sat down next to her.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked in a soft but angry voice.  
  
"Thought you could use a bit of cold comfort."  
  
"And you think I want yours? I hate you, Spike. Why would I ever want to talk to you?"  
  
He shrugged. "I know what it's like. Being dumped."  
  
She glared at him. "I was not dumped."  
  
"Oh right. Captain Cardboard just said he wants to break up for a while. Face it, Slayer. You. Were. Dumped."  
  
Buffy sighed. "This is why I hate you. You're always throwing things in my face."  
  
"You don't think I hate you? You throw things in my face. Literally."  
  
"And I will again," she said, holding up a fist. "If you don't get the hell out of my sight."  
  
He stood up and held up his hands. "Okay, okay. I just wanted to propose something."  
  
"Like what?" Buffy said impatiently.  
  
"See, I want to get Dru back." He started having this sad, faraway look in his eyes. "She's everything I am. She's a part of me. Without her, I'm empty. I'm nothing." The sad look faded away. "So I think you and I should get together. I know for a bleeding fact that she wouldn't be able to stand me being with the Slayer. She'll be jealous and she'll want me again."  
  
Buffy just stared at him.  
  
"It won't ruin my reputation since I already lost mine," he continued. "Those idiot soldier boys shoved this damn chip up my brain, and now the other demons don't want anything to do with me."  
  
"Hey my boyfriend is one of those 'idiot soldier boys'." Buffy stopped. "I mean my ex," she added softly.  
  
"So you'll help?"  
  
She stood up. "Spike, has that chip made you completely insane? I'm the Slayer. You're a soulless, dirty, evil vampire. Why would you think I'd agree on this? I hate you. You hate me. And why am I still talking to you?" She shook her head and started walking away.  
  
"You'll be able to get Riley back!" he called after her.  
  
Buffy swung around. "What?"  
  
"Think about it, love. You and me together... wouldn't that make the soldier boy jealous? He'll come running back to you. Isn't that what you want?"  
  
She hesitated. "Yes."  
  
"So?"  
  
Buffy thought about it for a moment. It would make Riley jealous. The Initiative was still looking for Spike, yes... but if she started dating him, Riley wouldn't lay a finger on him. And it couldn't even be called dating. The whole thing was a fake. Besides, once Spike got Drusilla back, he probably wouldn't bother her ever again. Buffy would have Riley, and she'd be happy.  
  
She shook her head. What was she thinking? This was Spike. How could she, even for one second, think about being with Spike? Even if it were fake. "No," she said firmly and then walked away.  
  
"Fine! Your loss!" he shouted after her.  
  
The next morning in Psych class, all Buffy could do was stare at Riley. He wasn't even looking at her. And he was smiling. He was smiling! How could he possibly be happy after breaking up with Buffy?  
  
"Are you okay?" Willow whispered.  
  
"Huh?" Buffy turned to look at her friend.  
  
"You seem a little... distant."  
  
"Does everybody think I'm distant?" she stood up and shouted. "What's wrong with me? I'm not distant! I can be undistant!" She paused and saw that everybody in the room was looking up at her, including Riley and Professor Walsh. "Sorry," she muttered and then sat back down.  
  
After class, Buffy slowly made her way down, trying to avoid Riley. But he caught up with her anyway. "Hey, are you okay? You seemed um, angry."  
  
"How would you know?" she said angrily. "I thought you were too busy smiling to give a damn about me." She saw the hurt look on his face. "I'm sorry," she said in a softer tone. "I'm just... yeah, I'm a little upset."  
  
"Okay then. See you."  
  
"What?" she exclaimed. "Oh, so I'm upset and it's all okay then?"  
  
"I didn't mean that," he said impatiently.  
  
Buffy could feel the tears coming. "Look, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry for yelling. You just don't know how much it hurts."  
  
He didn't say anything. Buffy could see a slightly guilty look on his face.  
  
"I don't even understand," she continued. "Why you suddenly decided things weren't working out between us. I thought everything was fine. You're the first guy I've been with who I can actually talk with. But I guess I was wrong. I guess you just can't handle the fact that I'm the Slayer."  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"Well it's the only reason, right? Why else do you not want me?"  
  
"Buffy..." he started.  
  
"No. Just don't say anything."  
  
She walked out of the room, her heart shattering into thousands of pieces again. She heard a voice behind her. "Buffy?"  
  
It was Willow.  
  
"Did something happen between you and Riley?" she asked.  
  
Buffy turned around but didn't reply.  
  
"You could've told me."  
  
"I know," Buffy sighed. "It just feels like I finally found the one for me, and then he suddenly decides that I'm not the one for him."  
  
The two of them started walking side by side. "Well maybe he wasn't the one," Willow said.  
  
Who was the one then? Angel was supposed to be her soul mate, but they could never be together. Parker was a definite no. Then came along Riley, who Buffy was just starting to form the perfect relationship with. They had potential, didn't they?  
  
That night, Buffy banged open the door to Spike's crypt. He was inside watching television.  
  
"Well, well, well. Lookie who's here," he said, without even glancing at her. "Smelled you even before you got to the door."  
  
"Okay. I'll do it," she said.  
  
"Do what?" He stood up and faced her.  
  
"I want to get Riley back," she said. 


	2. Convincing Everyone Else

**Chapter Two  
Convincing Everyone Else**

"So what is this fabulous plan of yours?" Buffy asked, sitting down on top of the coffin. "What do we have to do? And please let there be no kissing, no touching, and no contact involved."

"Very funny, Slayer."

"I'm not joking."

"Neither am I," he replied.

It was silent for a moment. The two of them just stared at each other. "What about my friends?" Buffy suddenly said. "They're going to think I've gone crazy."

"Well, hey, they dealt when we almost got married."

"That was a spell," Buffy said quickly.

"What I'm saying is your Scoobies'll love you no matter what you do."

Silence again.

"So why are you helping me?" Buffy asked. "I get the Drusilla thing... but why?"

Spike shrugged and walked around. "I just don't like seeing a lady get hurt."

"You hate me."

"So?"

Buffy sighed. "I never get you. First you want to kill me. Then you come flying to us for help. And then you don't want to have anything to do with us. Now you want my help again in the strangest ickiest way. Why am I even doing this?" She started thinking about Riley and buried her face in her hands. All she wanted was a nice, normal boyfriend. Had she done something wrong? It was hard not to break down crying right there in Spike's crypt.

"Pet?"

"Don't call me that." She lifted her head, and he saw her tearstained face. He walked over and sat down on the coffin next to her. He hesitated but then placed a hand on her shoulder. Neither of them said anything. It was comforting to have someone who cared. And even if Spike didn't care, it felt good to feel like someone cared.

The next morning at the dorm, Willow asked if they were going Bronzing that night.

"Sure," Buffy replied absent-mindedly.

Willow noticed Buffy was looking out the window. "Okay Buffy. You wanna talk about this thing with Riley or not?"

"Riley?" Buffy stared at Willow. "Oh I'm over him. I've moved on."

Willow raised her eyebrows. "Really? You found someone else?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, that's good," Willow said in a kind of uncertain voice. "I think. Is it a good thing? It's kind of soon, don't you think?"

"No, I think it's a good thing. Riley's just so wrong for me, you know? He was too tall and too... soldier-y. A-and he had this weird way of doing that weird thing he does. Besides, I met someone new. He's soo much better. And I really like him. He's..." Spike. Her new guy was Spike. How creepy was that? Well it's not like they were actually in love or anything. It was all pretend. "Sweet," she finished. "And, and he's really hot." Which was true. In an evil kind of way, it was true.

Willow grinned. "So we gonna see this guy tonight?"

Buffy wanted so badly to tell her best friend everything, but she couldn't. She and Spike had to make this thing convincing. But how on earth could she do that? She would NEVER date Spike. She would never even have feelings for Spike. Or had she? All those times fighting each other... wasn't there some kind of sexual tension between them? Ugh. Why was she even thinking about it? "Yeah," she finally answered. "You'll see him." She let out an inaudible sigh.

Night at the Bronze. Buffy walked inside, wearing a beige top and black pants. She started nodding to the music. "Hey Buffster! Over here!" Buffy looked and saw Xander calling to her from a table. Anya, Willow, and Willow's friend Tara were there as well.

"Hey guys," she greeted them once she arrived at the table.

"So," Willow said, giving her a smile. "Where's this guy you were totally gushing about earlier?"

"Slayer," said a voice behind her. Buffy didn't even need to turn around to see who it was.

"Um, hey Spike."

"What are you doing here?" Xander demanded. "This table is for live and not evil people. And seeing that you're not alive, you're evil, and you're not even a people... then you should go. Now."

Spike just smirked. "I'm here with Buffy."

Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara just stared at him. "With in what sense?" Xander finally said.

"As in she's my date for the evening, dimwit."

"Buffy?" Willow said, as if Spike weren't telling the truth and Buffy would say something soon. Buffy just looked down at the ground, feeling everyone's eyes on her.

"What? Are you two having sex now or something?" Anya asked.

A very amused look came over Spike's face. "Interesting thought." He leaned closer to Buffy and whispered, "Are we having sex?"

"No. He's not... we're not..." Buffy inhaled. "I just..."

"Have you gone nuts?" Xander exclaimed. "Buffy... this is Spike." Suddenly he started laughing. "You're joking, right? Please tell me this is all some sick, cruel joke."

"It's not," Buffy said quietly.

It was silent. "I-I'm trying to be happy for you," Willow said, not looking up at her. "But Buffy, are you making the right choice here?" She glanced over at Spike, who raised an eyebrow. "Are you even thinking here?"

"Yes," Buffy replied firmly. "I am."

"What's so wrong about Spike?" Tara asked.

"He's a vampire," Anya replied. "He hates us. He's tried to kill Buffy several times. But even sexual innuendos between him and her were way obvious. I always thought they'd get together sometime. After all—"

"Anya!" Xander interrupted. "What are you talking about?"

"H-he's a vampire?" Tara looked up at Spike.

"Bloody right I am. This cute little government chip I've got is just temporary. Once I get it out, then the lot of you are dead." He gave them all threatening looks.

"And Buffy's dating him?" Tara said, looking very confused.

"I... I need time to process this," Xander said slowly. "Does anybody else want a drink?"

Willow raised her hand.

"I think they took that very well," Buffy said once she and Spike were out of sight from Buffy's friends. "At least better than I imagined. I kind of thought they'd get rampagey and start throwing stuff at me. Either that or they'd get slay-happy and stake you... which would be a good thing." Spike glared at her. Buffy sighed. "Anyway, I think it'll be okay. So what about Dru? Where is she anyway? And what do we do now?"

Spike shrugged. "I don't know. Comes in town as she pleases. She'll be back, and she'll see the two of us together. She gets jealous, takes me back, you get your wanker back. End of story."

"Okay," Buffy said confidently. "I can do this." She glanced up at Spike. "We can do this."

Just then Buffy spotted Riley having a drink at a table alone. She immediately turned around so he wouldn't see her. "I can't do this. Okay. Don't get panicky," she muttered to herself.

She was still mumbling to herself when suddenly Spike pulled her into a passionate kiss. Her eyes widened and then slowly closed. Spike's kiss was so intense, right and wrong at the same time. Her hands found their way around his neck, and his wrapped around her waist. Eyes still closed, she broke away from him because of need for oxygen. She could feel his lips barely touching hers, and she would've kissed him again but...

"Buffy?" said a voice.

She and Spike both turned around to see Riley staring at them. Buffy immediately let go of Spike.

"W-were you kissing him?" Riley asked disbelievingly.

"Yes," she replied. Then she said in a louder voice, "Yes, I was. What's it to you? I can choose my own boyfriends. I don't need you anymore."

"So you've rebounded to the dead?"

Buffy gave him an angry look. "How can you judge on who I want to be with?" she shouted. "You're the one who broke up with me."

"Yeah, she's not your girl anymore," Spike added. "She's mine. So bugger off."

"Fine, Buffy," Riley said, fuming. "I don't care. But you're making the wrong choice."

"Oh yeah? Well you shouldn't have ever dumped me!" she shouted as he left them.

"Stupid git," muttered Spike. "Always knew soldier types had lack of brain. Don't know why you ever dated him if he can't see how amazing you are."

Buffy turned around to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?" She remembered the kiss she and Spike had shared earlier. A slight flush crept across her face.

"Well, you're a good kisser," he said forthrightly. "I'd do you in an instant. I always wondered what it'd be like to shag a Slayer."

"What!" Buffy exclaimed. She shook her head and groaned. "You're disgusting." A smile then appeared on her lips. "But thanks. The kiss, I mean."

"Yeah. The boring boy got pretty pissed."

"He is not boring," Buffy defended her ex. Spike raised his eyebrows. "He's not boring," she said again. "I love him."

"Oh right. You love him," Spike said ironically.

"I do," Buffy said. But that kiss with Spike... it was so passionate, so intense. She'd never had anything like that with Riley. Her kisses with Riley were never enough. They were nice, yeah. But not the kind of kiss she was searching for. Now Spike on the other hand... he ended that kiss with her hungering for more of his touch. Maybe this thing with Spike wasn't as bad as it sounds. As long as there would be more kisses like that, she wouldn't be disappointed.

* * *

Thanks to little-lost-one, I Hope You Dance, samica, Katie, Moluvsnumber17, Spuffy101, and gumdrops for reviewing! 


	3. She Must Be Crazy

**Chapter Three   
She Must Be Crazy**

******  
**  
"Buffy," Willow said. "We need to talk."  
  
The two of them were in their dorm room. Buffy sat down on the bed beside Willow. "Okay. We're talking."  
  
"I respect you," Willow continued. "You're my best friend. You really are. And I'll support you no matter what you do. But are you sure about this? I know you're upset about Riley, but... Buffy, it's Spike. You do remember, don't you? Oh no! You don't have some weird concussiony head problem, do you?"  
  
Buffy laughed. "I'm fine," she assured her friend. "I just... I like Spike. I've never felt so good to be with someone. Especially someone like him." Wow. She was a good liar. "I just want to give him a chance."  
  
"Yeah, but Buffy. He doesn't have a soul."  
  
"He has a chip. Same diff." Buffy couldn't believe she was saying this. She saw the horrified look on Willow's face. "No really. Spike's a good man once you get to know him. Don't worry about me. Besides, if things really do get bad... I'm the Slayer, remember?"  
  
Willow just stared at her. "Okay. Again, I'm trying to absorb all of this. Buffy's going out with Spike... Spike's evil. Spike's tried to kill us lots of times. Buffy, are you sure you don't have head problems? Maybe you're under a spell. Just like that one time you two were about to get married."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"That's just what you said when you and Spike were engaged," Willow exclaimed.  
  
"I'm not!" Buffy repeated. "Besides, who would want to put a spell on us anyway? If you didn't, then probably nobody else did."  
  
Meanwhile in Xander's basement, "Someone put a spell on her," Xander said to Anya. "I bet it's Willow. She must've done some spell that went all backfirey on her, and now it's gotten Spike and Buffy together."  
  
Anya shrugged. "Or maybe they just got together on their own."  
  
"Or maybe! They got together because both of them were dumped."  
  
Xander and Anya looked at each other and shook their heads. "No way. She wouldn't go to Spike for comfort. They hate each other."  
  
"So?" Anya said, shrugging her shoulders again. "Maybe they went to each other for the sex. It's always comforting."  
  
Xander glared at his girlfriend. "Will you stop that? It's very disturbing. I'm trying not to have gross images in my mind right... oh ew." He wrinkled his nose. "Let's not talk about this anymore." He flopped down on the couch and sighed.  
  
"So what now?" asked Buffy. "Where do we go from here?"  
  
Spike shrugged. He was sitting on top of his coffin, smoking a cigarette. "I don't know. I'm just waiting for Dru to come prancing in town."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I get that." She made a face. "Will you please put that out?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine. Just for the record, I really hate you. And if you ever try and do anything all out of the blue like, then I'll stake you. I'm not kidding."  
  
Spike smirked. "Oh yeah, Slayer. I'm just shaking. The only good part of this deal is that I get Drusilla back."  
  
"Well the only good part for me is that I get Riley back," Buffy replied angrily. "You think I liked kissing you? And I didn't even kiss you. You kissed me! And I hated it."  
  
Spike got off and pushed her against the wall of the crypt, placing one hand on the wall. "Changed your mind pretty quick, sweetheart. Yesterday you seemed pretty happy with locking lips. Bet you can't wait to do it all over again."  
  
Buffy glared at him but didn't say anything.  
  
"Aww little Slayer. Cat got your tongue?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Not your best. Admit it. You want me."  
  
"I would never want you," Buffy said through gritted teeth. "Now get off of me."  
  
"Make me."  
  
They stared at each other for a moment and then suddenly they found themselves locked in another kiss.  
  
When they pulled apart, both their eyes were still closed, the taste of each other still fresh on their lips. Buffy slowly opened her eyes and found her staring at Spike's face. He wasn't smirking or laughing. He was just staring back at her with his mouth slightly open.  
  
"That wasn't..." Buffy started. "We were just..."  
  
"Kissing," he finished for her.  
  
"Practicing," she corrected. "We were practicing. For the um, whole schemey thing. You know."  
  
"Practicing," he echoed.  
  
"Practicing," she said.  
  
"Right."  
  
"I have to go now," Buffy suddenly said. "I'll just be off." She turned and started walking before she realized she was going the wrong way. "Haha. The door's over there. Right. Okay. Well um, bye." She ran out the crypt, feeling horrified that she had kissed Spike. And this time it was her who made the move. She buried her face in her hands and continued walking.  
  
Inside the crypt, Spike could still smell her scent surrounding him. He was drowning in it. Frustrated he grabbed a bottle of beer. This was the girl who he had been dying and yearning to get his hands on her since the moment he laid his eyes on her. What had Dru said in South America? "You're all covered with her. I look at you, and all I see is the Slayer."  
  
Thinking of Drusilla made Spike grip harder on the bottle and it broke into pieces.  
  
"She'll see," he muttered to himself. "She'll want me back."  
  
Buffy turned the knob and opened the door to her dorm. Willow wasn't there. She lay down on her bed and looked up at the ceiling.

* * *

I know I haven't updated in forever. Been working on Sweetest Sin more than this story, but I'm gonna try and update this one more often! Besides, I was a little lazy last weekend. Thank you for the reviews, and please keep on reviewing and I'll keep on writing!

Julia


	4. Confessions

**Chapter Four   
Confessions  
**

Buffy plunged her stake into one of the vampires, and it exploded into dust. Another one came out of nowhere and lunged at her, but she easily fought it off and staked it as well.  
  
"Buffy! Watch out!" yelled a familiar voice. She turned and saw Riley pointing to a vamp behind her. She swung around and kicked it in the head. She took her stake and placed it right in the heart. The vampire screamed and poofed into dust.  
  
Buffy turned to look at Riley. "What are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
He motioned towards his soldier gear. "Initiative stuff. Late night hunting. It's what we military guys do. Well the demon-hunting kind, anyway."  
  
"I know. I mean, what are you doing here with me?"  
  
Her ex-boyfriend shrugged. "Talking," he replied.  
  
Buffy glared at him. "Well I don't want to talk." She started walking away.  
  
His footsteps followed her. "Buffy, I just don't think you should be... going out with an evil dead thing. I'm sorry for hurting you, but he's not the kind of person... well he isn't really a person at all. What I'm trying to say is that you—"  
  
"Hey," she interrupted him, turning around. "I can make my own choices."  
  
"I'm just trying to protect you."  
  
"You think I need protecting?"  
  
"No," he said, putting his hands up in the air. "I'm backing away. Buffy, I love you—"  
  
"Which is just the perfect reason for you to break up with me," she said, giving him a dry laugh. "You love me, so you don't want me anymore."  
  
"I do want you!" he said exasperatedly. Buffy looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "Just not right now."  
  
She sighed and pocketed her stake. "Look, I've known Spike much longer than you have. I think he's good for me." Until you decide you want me again, she added silently. "And if you or your Initiative boys lay even a finger on him, I'll kill you." The two of them started at each other for a moment, and then Buffy walked away. "Okay. I still want Riley," she said to herself. "I do... but why am I threatening to kill him if he hurts Spike? Whatever. This is just part of the plan."  
  
Buffy continued walking through the cemetery until she felt an extremely familiar feeling. It was almost as if she could sense him... she turned and saw a figure behind the tree. "Spike. What are you doing?" she crossed her arms and watched as he came out from behind the tree.  
  
"Lurking about," he replied, shrugging. "Saw you and Riley."  
  
"Yeah? What's it to you?"  
  
"Well as soon as you get that git back, we won't have to pretend anymore. Which is a good thing. Bloody great, in fact."  
  
Buffy just rolled her eyes. "Look, if you're not going to say anything important—"  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Well good."  
  
"Good."  
  
Buffy stared at him and said, "I'm leaving."  
  
"Go ahead. Leave. I don't give."  
  
Frustrated that he wasn't saying anything, she turned around and stormed off. Then she stopped and turned to look at him once more. "Why are you doing this?" she asked him. "Helping me when you hate me."  
  
"I should ask you the same," Spike replied, leaning against the tree.  
  
"I don't know," Buffy sighed. "Maybe I've just gotten so pathetic that I'm actually helping my worst enemy to help myself. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but... thank you. You actually do understand me. And thank you for helping me with this whole Riley thing. I know it's not the best I can do, but it's something."  
  
"Is it worth it?" Spike asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Doing all this just to get the soldier boy back?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I think it is."  
  
"Well g'night, Slayer."  
  
"Good night," she replied.  
  
While walking back to the dorm, she thought about Spike's question. Was it worth it? It seemed worth it at the time. She had really loved Riley, and she still did. But why go to all this trouble just to make Riley jealous? If he really loved her, then he'd come back to her by himself. But there was something that made Buffy want to be with Spike. She liked spending time with him.  
  
"No, I don't!" she suddenly said. "What am I thinking?" She reached the door to her dorm and opened it. Willow was sitting on her bed, reading a book.  
  
"Buffy? Hey, were you patrolling?"  
  
Buffy nodded and shrugged her coat off. "Yeah. Hey Willow, can we talk?"  
  
"Okay." Willow set her book aside. "What's going on?"  
  
Buffy sat down on the bed across from Willow. "You know how I've been hanging out with Spike lately?"  
  
Willow inhaled. "Uh huh."  
  
"Well, it's kind of just a lie. I'm not actually in love with Spike."  
  
"I knew it!" shouted Willow. "Something wasn't right. Well of course it wasn't right. You'd never be with Spike. But I knew there was something going on. Wait, then why are you acting all lovey with him?"  
  
Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her blonde hair. "We came up with this plan."  
  
"Oh so you're trying to make Riley jealous so that he'll love you again?"  
  
"Quite the smarty, aren't you?"  
  
Willow shrugged. "I know things. Well, I kinda just figured it out. But... do you think it's worth it?" she asked.  
  
Buffy laughed. "That's just what Spike said," she said quietly. "Well, I don't know. The thing is... I like Riley. A lot. But lately, being with Spike makes me feel really... different. But in a good way, you know?"  
  
"No, I really don't," Willow said, a shocked look on her face. "What are you saying exactly?"  
  
"I don't know," replied Buffy, shaking her head. "You must think I'm crazy."  
  
"Well yeah, you do seem a little crazy. But, I'm your best friend. And I'm with you no matter what. I mean, I'm starting to think that I'm in love with a girl. I guess it's not bad for you to be in love with a soulless vampire."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened. "What?"  
  
"Oh. Right. That." Willow laughed nervously. "You know Tara? I think... I think I um..."  
  
"Oh." Buffy stood up, not looking at Willow. "That's cool."  
  
"Buffy, I'm still me, remember? I'm changing, but I'm still me."  
  
"Y-yeah." Buffy sat back down on her bed and smiled at her best friend. "Okay. So you're with Tara. I guess I'll get used to it. But this is kind of um—"  
  
"Weird?" Willow finished for her. "I know."  
  
"Well I'm happy for you," Buffy said sincerely. "It matters what you feel right? Not what others think." She thought about her situation with Riley and her "relationship" with Spike. Maybe in a few days she'd figure this all out.

* * *

Yeah, I know. Slow update. Our computer has been seriously screwed up, and we just fixed it. I'll try and write more often!! Thank so much for reviewing: iluvglorfindel, Cinderella835, samica, Katie, Moluvsnumber17, Spuffy101, gumdrops, leostorm, spikesdarkqueen, AraelMoonchild, mac-babez, CraZy4SpikE09, kelly, Lady Xiu Mei Phoenix, jazima, tuxedo cat, KatieGrrl1016, Mariana, and SSWBASpikeSleptWithBuffyAgain. More reviews = more updates.


	5. Sweet William

**Chapter Five   
Sweet William**

****

"We're here!" announced Buffy, walking into Giles's place. She dragged what looked like a flaming blanket inside. Spike came out from underneath it.  
  
"What is he doing here?" asked Giles, pointing towards Spike, who was stomping on the blanket.  
  
Buffy shrugged and sat down on the couch. "He's my boyfriend now. You should accept him. I know he's evil and he's tried to kill us... me more than anybody else. But I think he's changed now."  
  
Nobody said anything.  
  
"Why isn't anyone surprised by this?" asked Giles. He looked over at Willow, Xander, and Anya, who were also there.  
  
"We already know," Anya replied for them. "Spike and Buffy have been going out... no doubtingly have had sex—"  
  
"What?!" shouted Giles.  
  
"We have NOT had sex," Buffy said, her face blushing bright red. "We're just... together now. And please don't make a big deal out of it," she added before Giles could say anything else.  
  
Giles just looked speechless. "Y-you and him?" he pointed at Spike.  
  
"Yeah. Me and her," Spike said. "Too much for the poor old Watcher to handle?"  
  
"Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "Well we thought you'd act the way you're acting."  
  
"And nobody else has a problem with this?"  
  
"Oh no," Xander replied. "We're all terrified."  
  
Giles just stared at everyone for a moment and then sat down and started cleaning his glasses. "Very well. I'll just sit here and... try not to..." he coughed. He looked up and saw that Buffy and Spike were smiling at each other. Spike put his arms around Buffy and they started kissing. "Gag," Giles finished.  
  
"Do you have anything to tell me?" asked Buffy, while Spike planted kisses down her neck. "Cause if you don't, we'd really like to be on our way. I have classes and—"she giggled. "Stop that!" she said, slapping Spike playfully.  
  
"Yes I did," said Giles. "But due to um, your news, I seem to have forgotten."  
  
"Well in that case," Buffy said, still not taking her eyes off Spike. "Maybe we should just go."  
  
"Maybe you really should," added Xander, giving them a disgusted look. "Oh God was that his tongue?" he whispered to Anya, who shrugged. "All in favor of them leaving? Like right now?" Xander raised his hand, as did Willow and Giles. Anya just shrugged again.  
  
"Is there anything?" Buffy asked Giles. "Patrolling? Demons? Whatever?"  
  
"Nope. Nothing," Giles sighed. "Just go."  
  
Buffy picked up Spike's duster. "Um here. Okay. Bye everyone!" she waved and then the two of them ran out the door.  
  
"That was beyond disturbing," Xander commented.  
  
"I really agree," said Willow.  
  
"And I hope to God I never find out what they're about to do next," Xander added.  
  
Once Buffy and Spike had gotten inside a building, Spike took off the duster and sighed. "I am not going through that again. The sunlight, I mean. Not the other stuff at the Watcher's place."  
  
"It was good," Buffy replied. "They all believed it." Well except Willow, Buffy added silently to herself. After all, she had already told Willow about it. "You were great," she said, smiling at Spike.  
  
"You got the job done yourself," he replied.  
  
Buffy blushed. "Yeah. Well I couldn't have done it without you."  
  
Awkward silence.  
  
"Well, I've got class," Buffy said. "So um, I'll see you?"  
  
"Yeah. Bye, Slayer." He pulled on the duster again and flew out.  
  
Buffy smiled and headed on to class.  
  
It was amazing that Spike was actually helping her. Well in return she was helping him. Sort of. Drusilla was nowhere to be found... how was this good for Spike if she wasn't even around?  
  
Spike ran into his crypt, annoyed that he'd been running around in the sun all day. The Slayer had him doing all these things, and he was actually agreeing to them. Maybe Dru was right. Maybe he had gone soft. Suddenly he heard a scratching noise coming from inside the crypt.  
  
"Who's there?" he asked.  
  
"A happy memory, pretty Spike," said Drusilla's voice. She appeared from out of the shadows, stroking a rose against her cheek.  
  
"Drusilla," Spike said.  
  
"Oh what has my dear boy been doing?" Drusilla sighed. She walked over to him and ran her hand against his back. "Toddling along with that Slayer. Why, my precious William? What have you done to yourself?"  
  
"The Slayer's just... convenient. She doesn't run off and dump me the way you do. And we actually uh... what's that called... Oh yeah, we actually love each other."  
  
"Naughty, naughty." Drusilla shook her head. She placed her fingers on her head. "It's a trick. You're lying."  
  
"No I'm not—"  
  
"And oh!" Drusilla gasped. "You've got a chip. Tin soldiers put funny little knickknacks in your brain. Can't hunt. Can't kill."  
  
"So you've heard," Spike said angrily. "Yeah, I've got a chip."  
  
Drusilla shook her head. "Poor Spike. So alone. So lost."  
  
"What are you doing here anyway?" Spike said, a little irritated.  
  
"I came to help you, my dear William. I came to make everything right again." Drusilla morphed into her vamp face and her teeth glistened. "You haven't tasted real blood in ages... have you?"  
  
"Drusilla. It's daytime. And I'd really like to sleep now. So if you're gonna keep on yammering, I say you sod off. Take the sewers, whatever. Just sod off." He glared at her and then climbed on top of his coffin. "Bugger," he muttered.  
  
Drusilla just gazed at him and then left, taking the sewers as Spike had said. "Goodbye, sweet William," she whispered, shaking her head.

* * *

Okay, Drusilla's all right in the show. But I hate writing or reading her in fanficcies, dunno why. She just bothers me. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, please write some more, and I will update again soon!!! Thanks!

Julia


	6. Deep Confusion

**Chapter Six  
Deep Confusion**

"Brilliant," Spike said to Buffy, who was sitting on top of a tombstone in the cemetery.

"What?"

"You," Spike replied, grinning.

She blushed. "You got the job done yourself," she said softly, echoing Spike's earlier words.

"Yeah well I'm good, I have to admit. But you're bloody amazing."

Buffy avoided his gaze. "Yeah, so how did the visit with Drusilla go?"

"What?"

"You said Drusilla came."

Spike stopped staring mindlessly at the blonde Slayer and snapped to reality. "Oh. Drusilla. Right. It went well."

"Good."

"Yeah."

It had never been this awkward talking to Spike before. Usually she yelled at him, and he yelled back. Then the yelling turned into fighting, and then they started physically hurting one another. Well… since Spike got the chip, there was less of that. It wasn't right fighting Spike when he was… impotent.

"So…" she started to say. "What's it like being dead?"

"S'okay."

* * *

It was time to have another talk with her best friend, Buffy decided. No more confusedness. That always led to… well, more confusion.

It was late, but Willow was still up. She was sitting at the desk, typing on her laptop. "Hey," Willow called to her without taking her eyes of the screen.

"Hey."

"Patrol go okay?"

"Yeah." Buffy sat down on her bed. "How are you?"

"Working on a term paper."

"Sounds like fun." Buffy sat against the backboard of her bed. "Hey Will, can I ask you something?"

"What, is this about you and Spike with the whole fake-datingness and now you're starting to really like him because you like spending time with him?"

"W-what?" Buffy said, flustered.

Willow finally turned around and grinned at her. "Oh come on. You have to admit, even if the whole thing is fake… you two look so…"

"Wrong?" Buffy supplied hopefully.

"Cute together. I mean with the whole mortal enemies finding true love, less heavy on the 'true' part… but it's all just so cute."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Not what I was expecting."

"Well I'm support-o gal."

"Support-o? Who said I wanted to fall in love with Spike? Don't need any support there."

Willow raised her eyebrows. "Love?"

Buffy flushed deep red. "Um, no."

"Lot of doubt in that voice," Willow commented.

Buffy grabbed a pillow and threw it at her head. The two of them burst into laughter. "I do not love Spike!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Do too…" The pillow made it's way back to Buffy's head.

"Nuh uh. And since when did you start going insane? I thought you'd be scared of the idea of me and Spike together. He's evil, remember?"

"And he's smoochable."

"Hey you're supposed to be gay! Besides, Spike smoochies are all reserved for me and me only," Buffy giggled.

"Told you! You SO love Spike."

"Do not."

Willow shrugged. "Okay. Whatever you say, Miss Denialy. And I have to get back to this term paper."

Buffy shot her a thankful smile. "What would I do without you, Will?"

"Let's not find out."

* * *

Buffy had decided to make a date with Spike at the Bronze. First of all, she wanted to explore these new feelings she'd been developing about Spike. Second, Riley was going to be there. She'd overheard him talking about going to the Bronze that night during class. Even though thinking about Spike was more on her mind now than thinking about Riley, she still had feelings for the soldier boy. Soldier boy? Wow she was even starting to talk like Spike now.

Riley, in fact, was sitting at a table alone. He looked around the room. Without Buffy, things were so lonely. And now she was screwing around with Hostile 17. Was it a mistake to let her go?

Just as all these thoughts were running through his head, he saw Buffy and Spike enter the Bronze, arms linked.

"May I have this dance?" Spike murmured in Buffy's ear.

She giggled. She never imagined being with Spike would make her this happy. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and they started dancing to the music.

"Oh look at that!" Riley yelled out to no one. "He's got his hands all over my Buffy!"

People turned to stare at him and he mumbled, "Sorry."

Meanwhile on the dance floor, Buffy was too busy staring into Spike's blue eyes and feeling the yummyness of Spike's body against hers to even think about Riley. When a slow song came on, she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. If time would just stop now…

But of course things never went well for Buffy. Suddenly someone pulled them apart and punched Spike hard on the nose.

And that someone happened to be Riley Finn.

"Riley, what the hell are you doing?" Buffy yelled at him.

Riley stared at her with a funny expression on his face and then started pushing Spike further into the crowd.

"Riley!" she screamed after him. She pushed herself through the gaping audience and found Riley punching Spike's face again and again. Buffy angrily pulled him away and shoved him on the ground. Then she knelt down beside Spike and gently touched his face. "Are you okay?"

"What, you're defending trash like that now?" Riley yelled from the ground but both of them ignored him.

"Fine, love," Spike replied softly. "A little bruised, but luckily white bread here hits like a girl. The kind without the Slayer powers."

"Buffy! Don't touch that thing!" Riley stood up and mumbled, walking a little off-balance.

"What is wrong with you?" Buffy snapped, standing up. "I'm not your girl anymore. You're the one who wanted to split up!"

"Didn't say you could go dating dirt like that!"

"My personal life," Buffy said, each word buzzing with anger. "Is none of your business." She helped Spike up and the two of them started walking out of the Bronze.

"Don't… don't walk away!" he yelled.

Buffy turned around one last time. "It's over," she said with a note of finality.

"Ugh," Spike muttered, leaning against the brick wall once they'd gotten out of the Bronze. "That son of a bi—"

"Please," Buffy said, tears in her eyes. "Don't."

Spike placed a hand on her chin and made her look up at him. "Buffy?"

She'd never heard him say her name with such tenderness. The gentle look on his face blurred as tears spilled from her eyes.

"I've never seen him like that," she said quietly.

"Well men do ugly things when they're drunk. Believe me pet, I know."

Buffy sighed. "I should go home. I'm not feeling too great." Here she was, telling Riley that it was completely over. And here Spike was, still not letting go of her. Exactly how did she feel about Riley now? Even the slightest bit of wanting for Riley had disappeared. And Spike seemed to realize this. So why was he still here?

She started to turn away until Spike laid a hand on her shoulder, "Buffy… can we talk?"

More tears were forming in her eyes as she stared at him. Spike held her close to him and kissed her on the forehead. Confusion could get more confusing. She contemplated punching him in the face and then running away, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Okay," she finally whispered. "Let's talk."

* * *

Wow I FINALLY updated this!! Yay on me. Hopefully people are still reading ) Hehe. Anyway... wow that went fastfrom fluffy to angsty. Anyway, review to see what happens next!!

Julia


	7. Without a Reason

**Chapter Seven  
Without a Reason**

Buffy shook her head. "Wait… No, I can't. I can't do this." She tried to run, but Spike placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her against the brick wall outside the Bronze, but not hard enough to hurt her.

"Buffy, we have to talk about this."

"About what?" she said in a choked voice.

"Everything."

"We don't have anything to talk about," Buffy said almost in a whisper. She pushed Spike's arms away and started to walk away. She could hear Spike following her from behind.

"Yes we do," he yelled after her. "You can't just keep avoiding this!"

She turned around abruptly, startling him just a little. "I'm not avoiding anything."

"You just told him… you just told Riley that it's over between you two." That was one of the very few times she'd ever heard him call Riley by his proper name.

"So?"

"Well first of all, why'd you do that anyway?"

"I don't know, okay? I don't know!" A sob escaped her throat and a couple of tears rolled down her face. The night breeze felt cool on her face as more warm tears made their way down her chin. She hugged herself and looked anywhere but at that blonde vampire.

But she didn't back away when Spike moved closer to her and took her in his arms. She continued to sob as he wrapped an arm around her warm body. He placed a hand on her head and leaned her head into his shoulder.

Buffy wasn't even sure why she was crying or why he was allowing her to cry in his shoulder. But she knew everything felt right. And having Spike's arms around her made her feel comforted and loved.

* * *

Buffy didn't know why she'd accepted Spike's offer to go back to his place, but she did. And now she was wandering around in his crypt, amused by how Spike had taken the time to decorate everything. He had candles around the room so that the usual scent of deadness was gone. And he had actual rooms with actual furniture. How had she never noticed how… classy the place was?

Suddenly Spike came out of the kitchen with a glass of blood. And he was shirtless.

Buffy blushed but couldn't bring herself to turn away. "Um, do you usually walk around without a shirt on?"

"More or less," Spike replied, smirking.

Buffy suddenly found herself thinking about the "less" part.

"You want to sit down?" he offered.

She smoothed her skirt and sat down on the couch. "You know, this place isn't so bad for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up."

"Yeah," Spike said, shrugging. He placed the glass on a table. "Well I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck."

Buffy laughed. She never took her eyes off of him as he walked over and sat down next to her. His cold body brushed against her arm and her heart suddenly started racing ten times faster. Since when did she feel this way around _Spike_? The evil, smartass vampire who she hated with more than passion.

But the way his skin melted perfectly against hers, and the way his lips fit perfectly against hers when they kissed…

"You all right?" Spike's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Huh?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You okay, Slayer?" 

"Uh huh," she said, smiling. "Just peachy." She moved herself into more a comfortable position, a little more away from Spike. She was already thinking too much about clothesless Spike.

"Spike," Buffy said softly. "Have you ever… I don't know… have you ever been in love?"

Spike stared at her for a long time and then let out a loud laugh. "What? Everything okay with you, Slayer?"

"Um, yeah."

"They didn't put a chip in your head did they?"

Buffy gave him a weird look. "What?"

"Be funny if they did."

Buffy groaned and stood up. "I don't know what the hell I'm thinking! Why am I even here? First of all, you're a freakin' vampire! And you're soulless."

Spike also stood up. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know!" Buffy yelled at him. "And I don't care. I'm just going to go home. This is ridiculous."

She started walking away furiously when Spike caught her arm and made her face him. Ugh! Him and his stupid sexiness. And out of all times why did he choose to be shirtless now? _No! No more thoughts with Spike and nakedness in the same sentence. Bad Buffy._

"What are you doing?" sighed Buffy. "Just let me go."

"Okay… we have to talk."

This time Buffy threw up her hands in frustration and let out an aggravated groan. "No, we don't! I just… can we not talk about anything? I really don't want to talk. At all."

"Why were you asking if I've been in love?"

She closed her eyes, asking herself the same question. Why _was_ she asking Spike that?"I don't know, Spike. I was just having a weird moment. Would you let it go?"

"I would, but you keep bringing it up."

"UGH! Stubborn vampire!"

"Holier-than-thou bitch!"

Buffy was really pissed now. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh nothing. Just because I'm soulless doesn't mean I'm incapable of knowing love. Slayer, you wouldn't know love if it hit you in that stuck-up tight ass of yours!"

"I hate you!" Buffy screamed in his face.

"And I hate you!"

The two stared angrily at each other for a long time, sexual tension you could cut with a knife. Suddenly Spike grabbed Buffy and started kissing her breathless.

_No…_ her brain was yelling at her, but her heart wasn't listening. His cool hands were still on her arms, and his lips lovinglytouching hers. She returned his kiss with full force, her hands reaching the back of his head and pulling him closer to her.

Finally, Buffy jerked away from him, gasping for air. His kisses were so intoxicating. And all she wanted to do was kiss him again, but all she could do was stare at him, a horrified look on her face. At that moment, there wasn't anybody to make jealous… only each other. Buffy wanted him so bad, but she knew she'd never have him. She couldn't have him. For so many reasons.

Without another word, she ran out of the crypt and into the cemetery. She didn't love him… she didn't love him. No… _tell me I'm not falling for Spike_.

* * *

Sorry I've been watching Tru Calling lately, which by the way is an AWESOME show!! I wish they would give it a second season.

Anyway, thank you SOO much for the reviews!! I really appreciate it! I've already got the rest of the story plot laid out. So more reviews equals faster updates :)

Julia


	8. Back at the Beginning

**Chapter Eight  
Back at the Beginning**

Buffy hadn't seen Spike for a week since that night at his crypt. She didn't have the stones to face him. Not after all that had happened, andnot after now when she had no excuse to see him.Riley hated her and everything was a mess. She was so damn confused.

"Can I just establish that life sucks?" Buffy sighed to Willow. The two of them were sitting in the Bronze.

Willow sipped on some water. "Yeah… fourth time this week."

Buffy gave her a confused look.

"You've been complaining about life all week," Willow said to her. "Buffy… I don't want to delve too deep into all this Spike Riley stuff cause truthfully it's a little headachy but hey I'm the best friend. I'm supposed to help with this stuff. Buffy, what the frilly heck has been going on?"

"Nothing."

Willow raised her eyebrows. "Is that nothing a big something?"

"Yes," Buffy whimpered. She let out a sigh and then spilled to her best friend. "Spike and I were at the Bronze, and so was Riley. Then Riley started beating the crap out of Spike, so I told him that it was over between us—"

"Wait, which 'us' are you talking about?"

"Riley and me."

"Oh."

"Then Spike took me back to his crypt and we just talked and… well… we kissed. And it was completely fake-free."

Willow smiled sympathetically. "Buffy, I'm your best friend and I love you. So I'm going to say… whatever makes you feel right, go for it. Love comes in the weirdest shapes. But sometimes you have to take it for what it is. So if you really think this is the guy who can make you happy, then just go for it."

"Are you sure?" Buffy asked, her voice full of uncertainty.

"Yep."

"Willow, you're the best person in the world."

"Don't I know it?" Willow replied with a grin on her face.

Suddenly Riley showed up at their table. The grins on Buffy and Willow's faces both slid off. Riley gave them an awkward smile. "Uh, can I talk to Buffy alone?"

"Uh yeah," Willow replied. She stood up and gestured towards the dance floor. "I'll just go and get my shimmy on." She gave Buffy a heartening glance and then left.

Buffy still felt like crap inside. And Riley was NOT making it better. All she wanted was to be in Spike's arms… to breathe in his scent… to feel his lips on hers. But no, she was stuck here facing the guy she would've once been glad to take back. But now when she looked at Riley, all she felt was emptiness inside. There was no warmth, and being with him felt nothing like the passion Spike fueled inside of her. Even if the whole thing was fake, it felt completely real. And she would do anything to feel it again.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing to come out of Riley's mouth.

She laughed coldly. "Yeah. I'm sure you're really sorry."

Riley tried it more sincerely this time. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

"First of all, you had no right barging in between me and Spike and beating him up like that. Second, what the hell were you so drunk for? You were the one who broke up with me. Third, if you think I'm taking you back now…" she stopped as he gazed into her eyes and placed a hand on her face.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I was hurt seeing you two together. But the truth is, I love you."

_No…_ _please don't do this to me_. Her thoughts about Spike were fading away… and the memories of being with Riley came flooding back. What the hell had she been thinking? She didn't want Spike, he was a vampire. One that had tried to her kill her many times before. Riley was the perfect one for her. He was solid… and he was human. And he could give her much more than Spike ever could.

"I may not be ready to renew our relationship yet," Riley continued in that soft, gentle voice. "But… I can't bear seeing you with someone else. Especially someone that's… dead."

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered back.

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did… it's just seeing you with him made me so mad."

Buffy stood up, letting Riley drop his hand. "I have to go."

"Buffy…"

"No," she said with a small smile on her face. "I heard what you said. I just… I need time, okay?"

Spike could sense her before she even arrived at his door. Her scent had been haunting him since the last time she was here, and it wouldn't leave him alone. Minutes later, she banged the door open and stormed inside.

Setting the glass of blood he had been drinking on the table, he stood up and smirked at her. "What, Slayer not in a good mood?"

"Actually, no I'm not. And if you say anything else I swear I will stake you good and proper until vamp ashes are flying in the wind."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "That a fact?"

Buffy glared at him. "Look, what happened before… I was just depressed and confused. That meant _nothing_, okay?"

Spike shrugged. "Fine. Not like I wanted to be kissing your precious self anyway." He started moving towards her, tension between them increasing with each step. "So… what are you doing here then?"

"Riley and I made up."

For some reason, a sting of hurt pierced Spike's dead heart. "Oh, really?" Spike muttered, trying to hide the pain he was feeling.

"Well, almost. I just… I wanted to let you know that if we keep pretending I might be able to get him back. And you… well maybe you'll get Dru back too."

"Bloody hell Buffy, are you a complete idiot?"

She stared at him. "What?"

"You're a soddin' fool to still want that pitiful excuse of a man." He was so close to her now, making her head spin.

"His name is Riley," she said weakly.

"He'll never see you for what you are," Spike continued angrily. "If he was really worthy enough for you he would've claimed you back a long time ago. Don't you get it? He's not enough. He'll never be enough. He'll be inside you and it won't be enough. You're amazing, Buffy. You're a hell of a woman, and if you're going to let some idiotic poof make you forget what you really need in life… well you're too blind to see what's really going on."

She stared at him. What was he talking about? Was he in some weird way confessing that he'd fallen in love with her? "Are you saying that… Spike, this is all a scam. And plus, you're like my mortal enemy. Why do you care about me?"

Spike didn't answer.

She looked up at Spike with pleading eyes. "Please? Will you just do this one thing for me? Help me get Riley back? I know you have no reason to help me but—"

"I'll do it," Spike said quietly.

Buffy brightened. "Thank you Spike." Not wanting to talk anymore, she turned around and left before he could see the tears escaping down her face.

* * *

Okay weird chapter I know. First of all... Buffy is an idiot!!! Why the hell does she want Riley when she could have yummy goodness that is Spike?? Mehehe...

anyway... if that chappywas confusing just ask me to clear a few things up, I will gladly do that for you. I promise much more Spuffiness to come :)

Review please!


	9. Bar Conversations

A/N Wow sorry I haven't updated in forever!Had to finish up my Revealing My Heart story. Anyway,bit of Dru in this chapter... so please read and review!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Nine  
Bar Conversations  
**

Spike wished he could get drunk.

He'd been at Willy's for hours, drinking the world away. And yet, not a single trace of drunkenness. Damn those super vampire powers. Not even the effects of alcohol could penetrate his dead system. Or maybe it was because the beer in America seriously sucked.

What was wrong with him? Drowning his sorrows over one girl? What had he been reduced to? Well he had always been a sucker for… well, for one girl. A different girl. One vampire, to be more specific. Drusilla had always been the love of his life. They'd been together for a century. What had happened? This was all her damn fault! If she hadn't left him so many times, he wouldn't be sinking so low as to ask the Slayer for help. And what was with that bloody Slayer anyway? Damn them all. He wished all women would just burn in hell.

But that Slayer… those bright green eyes of hers, that delicious warm skin, those sweet lips. Those lips that he had kissed more times than he thought possible. And that body of hers… if he could get his hands on that perfectly tanned skin… His grip tightened on the glass he was holding, and it shattered into pieces.

"Bugger," he muttered, staring at the broken glass. Buffy was driving him crazy.

"Poor boy. Lost in thoughts of _her_," a female voice said beside him. A female voice that was all too familiar… the one that sang in his ear for too many years…

He turned and saw his brunette beauty sitting down next to him.

"Drusilla?"

"William," she said with a glint in her eye. "Poor, poor William. My sweet."

"Drusilla, what are you doing here?" he asked softly. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he could make it right with her and forget that Buffy had ever existed. Forget that he had gotten so close to her beautiful body and her perfect lips.

Drusilla gave him a soft purr and whispered, "Glass."

"Huh? Glass?"

"Broken glass. Angry little vampire, aren't we?" she said, pointing to the pieces of glass at the counter.

"Oh. That. Yeah—"

"You were thinking about _her_."

"Yes, Dru. You don't have to say it. You can read my mind already. My brain's like a bloody open book for you to prod and probe at."

Drusilla looked hurt for a moment. Then she closed her eyes and moved her fingers around his head. "There she is… filled within your mind. I can hear her whispering words to you. I can smell her scent on you."

"That's very nice—"

"And it's getting stronger… oh! You reek of it. Her scent is everywhere on you."

"Or it might be because she's standing right there," Spike said, motioning towards the blonde Slayer, who was standing with her arms crossed and looking at Drusilla.

"Oh," Drusilla said.

"What are you doing here?" Spike asked Buffy.

"Actually I was looking for you. You weren't in your crypt or at the Bronze or anywhere, and then I came and found you here."

Spike gave her a smirk. "Now what would be so important that the poor little Slayer had to spend her precious time running about town trying to find me?"

"It involves… a human. A human she has her heart set on." Drusilla said, her eyes looking blank and distant. "But oh she's listening to the lies."

"Do me a favor Dru," Spike said through gritted teeth. "Shut up."

Drusilla looked taken aback, and she stared long and hard at Spike.

"What is she doing here anyway?" Buffy said in an angry and jealous? voice.

"I came to see my boy…"

"Yeah, Slayer. It doesn't concern you."

Buffy glared at the both of them. "Fine. That's just… fine. I'll leave you two alone." But she didn't take a step towards the exit. "I'm leaving right now." She still didn't move a muscle. "Actually I could use a drink."

"Excuses, excuses. Tsk, tsk," Spike said, shaking his head. "If you wanted to see me, you could just say it."

"What makes you think I'd want to see you, Mr. Dumbass Peroxided freak?"

"No name-calling now. Be a good little Slayer, will you?" He leaned in closer to her and gave her a suggestive wink. "Might be a reward in it for you."

"Oh really? Like getting to punch you in the nose? Cause you know, that would be majorly fun."

"Be careful now, I just might bite you."

"Aww… poor Spikey forget that he's chip-head and can't hurt a living soul?"

"Bollocks. I can kill demons."

Buffy snorted. "Oh. Right. Demons. Yeah, you're totally the big bad. Killing your own kind, and failing to hurt the innocent."

"I _am_ the Big Bad. Don't you forget it. I'll suck you dry the very second I get this chip out. Or I don't know… maybe I'll make it one nice long and slow bite. You'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"I'd stake you before you could even try."

"Are you we going to keep at this all day?" Spike said, his blue eyes sparkling, leaning in even closer to her so that their noses were barely touching.

She glared at him. "In your sick and perverted dreams." Buffy looked around, realizing the other vampire was gone. "Where did Drusilla go?"

"Don't know. Don't give a rat's ass."

"You don't care about her?" Buffy questioned. "I thought she was the love of your life. You know… the other part of you that you can't live without."

"Sounds like something very dire and depressing," Willy's voice suddenly rang before them. Both of them looked up to see the bar owner grinning. "'Nother drink?" he offered Spike.

"Hit me."

Buffy sat down next to Spike. "Then why are you doing this?" she said gently.

He drank the whole glass in one gulp. "Don't know. Have a sodding weakness for women, I guess."

"Even women you hate?"

Spike laughed and fingered the edge of the glass. "You notice the way I was obsessed with killing you? That's weakness. Couldn't stop thinking about you…" he turned to give her a small smile. "Always had this soft spot for Slayers. Maybe it's why Dru left me."

"Well I've always had a weakness for vampires…" she replied softly. Then she quickly added, "Good vampires. You know, vampires with souls. Which, well, there's only one of them in this world."

"Oh don't even get me started about The Great Bad Angel. And what about Mr. Commando?"

"Huh?"

"Riley… the presumed man of your life at the moment."

Buffy shrugged. "What about him?"

"Well he's not a vampire, love. And he doesn't have a soul."

"What? Of course he has a soul. Humans have souls. Vampires," she said, giving him a look. "don't."

Spike shook his head. He placed a hand under her chin and forced her to look at him right in the eyes. "You really don't see anything, do you?"

"Huh?"

He sighed and dropped his hand. "Nothing."

For a moment there was an awkward silence that neither of them could interrupt. Everything was so upside-down, so crazy, so unbelievably screwed up. She knew she loved Riley… of course she did. He was the one that she'd finally found to make her feel happy. But she missed the raw passion and the fire of being in a dangerous relationship. She needed that, or else she just felt dull and empty inside. And Spike… he made her feel unbelievably alive every time he was around.

Ughh she hated having all these stupid mixy thoughts. First she wanted Riley back, but then being with Spike felt so amazing, she couldn't help starting to want Spike… but then Riley had to be all sweet and arghh stupid men. Men should all burn in hell.

"So why did you come searching for me?" Spike said.

"Huh?"

"Damn, Slayer. Are you completely out of it today?"

"Oh," she said. "Right. Um… there's this thing at the Bronze tomorrow. Eight o'clock. Want to go?"

He laughed sarcastically. "Why? To play a few more rounds of let's-make-your-ex-jealous-for-no-good-reason?"

"I guess," Buffy said uncertainly. "And I don't know. I kind of…" she took a deep breath, not able to believe she was about to say this. "I kind of want to spend some time with you."

"That's nice, pet, but we both know that's not the truth." Wait a second… was Buffy actually admitting to him that she liked being with him? Or was he actually starting to get drunk from all the alcohol? He decided that the second option was more believable.

"Fine," Buffy finally said, interrupting his thoughts. "Whatever. Are you going to go or not?"

He shrugged. "Got nothing better to do. See you tomorrow. Save me a dance, babe."

* * *

Feedback would be much appreciated (aka please please review!)And I've said this a thousand times but go view my website! The link's in my profile. But first, don't forget to review this chappy and tell me what you think! More reviews is the equivalence of faster updates, because I pretty much have the rest of the story figured out already. Hehe.


	10. Damage

**Chapter Ten  
Damage**

"Remember. Cuddling, hand holding, having seemingly deep chats is acceptable," Buffy told Spike in front of the Bronze.

He smirked. "Can't wait to get your hot little hands on this body, can you?"

She decided to ignore this statement and added, "Kissing is okay too. And groping is fine."

"Why don't we just bloody screw in front of the whole room?"

She blushed. "Um, let's not. I'm just saying we should make it believable."

"Remind me again, pet. Why are we doing this?"

"Riley's on the edge of coming back," she said in an almost dull tone. "To me, I mean. He almost wants me again. I know just one more act and he'll want me back."

"You sound bored with that thought."

"I'm not! I love him."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Love's for pancies."

"Pancy? What's a pancy? I swear you're making words up. Besides, don't you love Drusilla? Isn't she the reason you're doing this? I mean it was your idea in the first place. Stop trying to push it all on me."

Spike held up his hands. "Hey, hey. No need to get blame-happy. I'm over Drusilla. I just feel like helping you out is all."

"Spike…" Buffy said in a soft voice.

"Just drop it okay?"

She gazed at him for a long moment and then nodded. "Fine. Let's go in then."

Almost everyone she knew was there. A lot of people from college, including Riley's initiative buds, were sitting and talking. Willow and Tara were on the dance floor dancing. Xander and Anya were... arguing.

"This looks like fun," Spike muttered sarcastically. "What a waste of time. I could be out there. Killing, maiming, torturing…"

"Then go!" Buffy said exasperatedly, tired of Spike's cold temper. "See if I care."

Spike noticed a look of desperation and sadness on her face and decided to pretend to be happier. "No I'm good, Slayer. Besides, they've got beer here. All you can drink. Bloody good enough for me." God was he actually starting to _care_ about her? What was wrong with him?

"Fine. Booze it up. I'm going to go talk to Riley."

"Fine," he said, shrugging.

"Fine!"

"Go then!"

"I'm going right this minute."

"Good."

She fumed at him and then stormed away. She scanned the crowd for Riley, even though her thoughts were still full of Spike. She spotted him talking with Graham and Forrest. She took a deep breath and then marched on over.

"Hey Riley," she said, plastering a smile on her face.

Riley looked up at her and a huge grin spread. "Hey! Are you here alone?"

"Oh no," she replied. "I'm here with Spike."

The grin dropped.

"Who's Spike?" Graham asked.

"No one," Riley said quickly. "He's no one."

_Apparently he didn't tell them that Spike is "Hostile 17,"_ Buffy thought. "He's my boyfriend," she said loudly.

"Then why are you over here flirting?" Forrest asked bluntly.

"I'm not. I'm just conversing."

"Uh huh…" Forrest rolled his eyes. His eyes scanned the room. "So where is this boyfriend that made our boy Riley here dump you? Looks like he's not even here. Tsk tsk. Unreliable."

Buffy gritted her teeth. "He is here."

"Yeah it's nothing interesting," Riley said to Forrest and Graham. "Why don't you all go? I'll handle this."

Buffy understood what Riley was doing. He didn't want them to find out that Spike was Hostile 17. Or else there would be all this confusing crap and they would try and capture him, but since Buffy was "with him" Riley didn't want to lay a finger on him or else he'd never get a chance with her again. Wow, so the idiot did care about her. _Not idiot. Riley's not an idiot_, Buffy told herself. _He **is** the one I want to be with_. But then her mind drifted off to Spike again…

Forrest and Graham both gave Riley weird look. "See you then," Graham told him.

"Yeah," Forrest said, throwing Buffy an evil look. "See you Riley."

"Funny though," Riley said to Buffy once they had left. "You come in here and the first thing you do is come talk to me. What does that mean?" he asked with a wink.

Part of her felt disgusted with him. He was so stupid. The other part of her felt a little hopeful and glad that Riley wanted her back.

"Actually I'm going to go dance. With him," she said loudly. She spun around on her heel and went to look for Spike. She could almost feel Riley's eyes following her every move. Ugh. What a sicko.

Spike was beside the bar, to her not surprise. She dragged him onto the floor and started to dance with him. He didn't even move.

"Come on, Spike!" she muttered.

"I don't dance. If I did I'd look like a soapy ponce fresh from nancy-boy academy."

"Please?" Buffy said, sticking out her lower lip.

"No way. Don't even try the soddin' pity act. I'm not dancing. Unless it's a slow one."

Suddenly the music changed to a slow, mellow song. Buffy smiled mischievously up at him and he rolled his eyes. "Fine. You win, Slayer." He pulled her close to him and she laid her head on his shoulder as they began to dance.

This was so… perfect. He felt so nice, and much much nicer than that idiot sitting alone at a table, STILL watching her probably. What did she ever see in him?

Buffy noticed bad comments about Riley had been slipping in her mind much more often.

"Buffy…" she heard Spike whisper in her ear.

"Mm hmm?"

"You look… amazing. Effulgent."

"Effulgent…" Buffy breathed in his scent. Suddenly she looked up at him. "Huh? Effulgent? What kind of lameass word is that?"

He glared at her. "It means radiant."

"Oh. Well. Thanks. That's… nice." She placed her head comfortably against him once more. "You can be really sweet, Spike."

"Really…" he whispered in a low voice.

"Yeah..."

"How do you feel about me?"

"I like being with you. I like it a lot," she confessed. "You make me feel… effulgent."

"Do I?"

She nodded against him, closing her eyes.

It was silent for a moment, and then Spike asked softly, "Do you love me?"

Her eyes opened. "I—"

"May I cut in?"

Both of them looked up to see Riley with a goofy grin on his face.

"No, piss off," Spike spat.

Buffy gave him a look and then smiled sweetly at Riley. "Sure," her mouth said automatically, even though her heart was begging Riley to leave and wanting Spike to say.

Riley's body was much less comfortable to lean on. He was too tall and in no way as sexy as Spike. Dancing with him was just awkward. And not fun.

"This is nice," he whispered to her.

When Spike spoke to her, it made her spill all her inner thoughts and secrets. Riley's whispers didn't make her feel sexy. They made her feel icky.

"Sure," she said absent-mindedly, her mind full of Spike. WHY the hell did she just say yes to dancing with Riley? What was wrong with her? She wanted Spike back. NOW. But Riley's grip on her was too tight for her to casually push him away. And the song seemed to take forever to end.

"I miss you," he said to her.

"Really?"

"Of course. I've been missing you this whole time. I don't know why I ever broke up with you."

"It was your choice."

"I know. And I feel really bad about it."

She sighed. "Then why did you do it?"

"I guess… I guess it seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

Buffy fell silent. She didn't know what to do. Riley was nice, and he had always been real sweet to her. Well, until recently at least. Until he sent her a big, fat dumpogram. Just when things were really nice, he had to ruin it all. Stupid git. _Git? More Spike talk, huh Buffy?_

"But now you regret it?"

He nodded. "Most definitely."

_Idiot_.

"So… I actually wanted to ask you if we could be together again. You're the only girl for me—"

But Buffy was not listening to Riley. She had let go of him and stopped dancing. Her eyes were fixed on the bar.

Spike was making out with Harmony.

The hopeful for Riley part of her had completely disappeared. Instead all she felt was anger and blazing jealousy. What the hell was he doing? Why was he kissing that blonde vampire slut? Why was he doing this to her?

Suddenly it hit her. All of a sudden her mind had become clear to her.

She would rather be with Spike than anything in the world. It was all about Spike. Just Spike, and no one else. She didn't care what people thought about her. As long as she had him. There wasn't even a sliver of thought for Riley.

But it was too late to realize this. He was kissing someone else… and she had never felt this bad before in her life. Well maybe she had, but this was far worse that Parker leaving her or when Riley dumped her or anything like that. And now she felt like she had hit the bottom with her feelings. Her happiness had been drained. He was kissing (of all people HARMONY?) someone else besides Buffy and she felt indescribably horrible. All she could do was stare at them with her mouth wide open.

Spike seemed to be aware that Buffy was staring at him. He pulled away from Harmony and looked up, meeting her gaze.

Tears immediately sprung to her eyes and the first instinct she had was to run.

"Buffy!" Spike called after her.

She didn't stop running. She hated Spike for doing that. She hated herself for coming to realizations too late. And she HATED Harmony.

Spike tried running after her, but his head hurt too much. Well after all that extreme heavy drinking, he was bound to have a headache. That damn Slayer… causing so many feelings inside of him. And why was he making out with Harmony? He had gotten too drunk to notice. _And I thought vamps couldn't get drunk. DAMN IT_.

And now he had hurt Buffy.

For some reason, he had never felt so bad in his dead life.

Buffy didn't stop running until she had reached the dorm room. She locked the door behind her and sat on her bed. For a moment, she just stared at the floor, trying to be strong, trying not to cry. But she gave in and collapsed on her bed, sobbing into her pillow.

* * *

Wow it's sadness all around for my fics. LOL. But they will all get happy, I promise :D. REVIEWS PLEASE! And I will say this every update (geez I sound like an idiot but) GO VIEW MY FREAKIN WEBSITE! AHHH! AND SIGN THE FREAKIN GUESTBOOK! The link is in my profile because links wont work here.

Lol I'm a freak. I know.


	11. How Do I Move On?

**Chapter Eleven  
****How Do I Move On?**

Buffy sat on her bed, crossed-legged and eyes closed, trying this new meditating thing Giles had taught her.

_Empty your mind of all negative energy, any time a thought comes seeping into your brain, i.e. Spike… push it back out._

This proved easier than she thought it'd be, as long as she didn't get up and do anything productive. The whole thing with Spike was just dumb anyway. He wasn't worth her trouble. She never liked him anyway. She was just using him. So what's a little kissing between him and his ugly braindead vampire whore? She didn't give a crap. He could go stick his tongue in Harmony's mouth any time he wanted. It didn't matter to Buffy. In fact, she should've congratulated him! He finally found someone he truly loved… no, correction, vampires can't love. He finally found someone he could screw around with.

Buffy had not seen Spike for a week. She was planning on never seeing him again.

_Empty your mind of all negative energy._

She took a deep breath and focused once more on nothingness. Not so bad. That time wasn't too awful. The thoughts of Spike were now getting less frequent and the in-between time of just feeling peaceful was increasing.

But her heart felt like crap. If she ignored the throbbing pain there, she was okay.

_But why? Why didn't I see it before?_ Why was she was so focused on getting Riley back, getting someone she didn't even love back?

_Because… I knew I was falling for Spike, and I looked for an excuse to avoid it._

* * *

Buffy kicked down the door to Spike's crypt and light filled the room.

"AAAARGGHHHH!!!" came Spike's yells. She caught his bleached blonde hair tumbling towards a darker corner of the room. He looked up and glared at her. "Right. It's you. I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that in the middle of the day, I tend to set on fire, you know."

Buffy ran over to him and pinned him against the wall. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I have absolutely no idea."

Buffy slammed him by the shoulders one more time.

"What! What could you possibly bloody want from me, Slayer? I did you a favor, all right? You got your little boyfriend back, right? He seemed to want you enough the other night. I don't see any more problems left."

Buffy slowly let go of him and backed away. She had tears in her eyes. "You don't see it?" She whispered this in a soft, broken, disappointed voice. "You didn't feel anything?"

Spike dusted himself off and tried not to look at her in the eyes. "What are you going on about?" he mumbled.

"I just…. I thought that…" she let out a sigh of frustration and began to walk away. "Never mind Spike. Forget it. Forget everything."

"Hold it, Slayer. Get your ass back here! And close the door so we can have a proper chat."

Buffy turned around, her mind scrambling to make a choice. If she left now, she would be leaving clean and letting go of all of this, whatever this was. But if she stayed…

She stepped towards the door and closed it. The room flooded with darkness.

Click. Spike had turned on the lamp.

For reasons that bewildered her, Buffy's heart was pounding like crazy. She was once again alone with the vampire, in a dimly lit room. Crazy sensations were jumping down her spine, causing her to tremble just ever so slightly.

She wondered if he felt the same.

"Now what the hell are you so pissed about that you had to disturb me at my not-so-finest hour?" he asked sharply.

Buffy was really ready to pound her fist in his face now. How could he not say anything in regards to what happened at the Bronze? How could he just disregard her feelings like that? Oh wait, he was a vampire. No duh. "Do you have no memory of last week at all?"

"Vaguely. There was some dancing. With you, I recall. Then your friend I'm-A-Big-Boy-Soldier-Now cut in and started touching you..."

Buffy saw a muscle twitch in Spike's neck. She waited for him to go on but he didn't.

"Is that all?"

Spike shrugged. He grabbed a beer from a case that was sitting on the ground and sunk down into his chair.

"You were all over her!" Buffy yelled at him. "Making out with tongue and everything!"

Spike gazed at her for a minute and then burst out laughing. "What, Harmony? My ex? Yeah, I do recall. Sexy little girl. Dumb as a doorknob, but damn has she got some hot—"

"Ugh! Vampires!"

Spike smirked. "Why do you care?"

"I don't." Buffy said smugly. "That's what I came over to tell you. That… you can go screw with your little Harmony friend all you want. I don't care."

"Is this your idea of a finish?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "Finish? Finish of what?"

"The plan. It worked, right? Well for you. You've got your Riley back. I… don't have Drusilla but I've got the next worst thing."

"I don't have Riley," Buffy said quietly. "I don't want Riley."

Spike eyed her suspiciously. He set his beer down on the floor and stood up. He slowly walked over to her and traced his cool fingers down her shoulders and her arm… all the way to her fingertips, where he let his fingers intertwine with hers. "Well who do you want, love?" He looked down at their linked hands and lifted them up ever so slightly, then turning to stare into her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I did feel it, Buffy."

Buffy could feel her breaths getting heavier as he pulled her closer to her.

"The only reason I kept on pretending, even after Drusilla left, was because of you. I just wanted you to be happy, just wanted to be near you. And somewhere along the way I wasn't pretending anymore. I'm crazy about you, Buffy."

"Spike…" Buffy whispered, her heart heavy with longing. "I don't know what to do."

"Just give into it. The feeling, the passion. You know it's there just waiting to be unleashed. We could be something great."

Buffy let him wrap his arms around her, feeling her body hum with a craving she knew only Spike could satisfy. She leaned up, almost letting him kiss her…

"I can't." Buffy pulled away. "I can't. You hurt me, Spike."

Spike angrily threw up his hands. "I hurt you? It was a kiss, Buffy. I was mad and drunk and I kissed the first girl I could see. It didn't mean anything."

"Yeah well it didn't feel that way to me."

"You know damn well it didn't mean anything. You're just scared. How many times are you going to go through with this damn denial? You're just afraid to admit that you have feelings for me. You've had them all along, haven't you?"

"Yeah well it's too late Spike!" She screamed in his face.

"And whose fault is that?" he yelled back.

Buffy groaned in frustration and stormed out of the crypt, letting the sunshine stream in and not bothering to close the door behind her.

Spike winced at the light. He kept close to the wall and slowly moved his way towards the door. Just as he was about the close it, Buffy came walking back in.

He looked at her, surprised. Not knowing if he was happy to see her or not. By the sad look in her eyes, he knew this couldn't be good.

"We both could've gotten what we wanted," she said in a soft voice that warmed his entire being, yet he knew as soon as she stopped speaking he would be left once more in the cold. "We just ended up wanting somebody else. I know things are really messed up now, so can we just go back to the way things were? Way before any of this happened. It might not have been the ending I wanted, but maybe we can just leave it like this before things get worse."

Spike knew this time she was walking out for good.

* * *

Wooowww another update!! Aren't you guys proud of me? First finishing Sweetest Sin, now updating this story... which I really like by the way, haha. It's sweet. And sad... but umm that might change next chapter (hint hint) Hopefully people are still reading this fic, I know I haven't updated in what is it, a year or two? Hahaha. I'm probably going to wrap this fic up very soon, update my other ones and possibly write a couple of new ones? I find writing really helps me when I'm feeling kind of low.

Reviews? Please?

Julia


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